on a leash

Collar pulled tight.
Tighter.
Building.
No touching.
Climax.
Goosebumps.
Collar eased up.
Fastened.
Cold chain.
Teased.
Kneel.

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Clipped.
Pulled.
Tugged.
All fours.
Go for a walk.
Hard floors.
Head down.
Crawl.
Keep up.
Fall behind.
Yanked.
Faster.
Good girl.
Again.
Up on bed.

Cold chain.
Pulled.
Sir.
Master.
Pounded.
Explosion.
Choked.
Freed from thought.
Again.
Explode.
Rolling.
Explode.
Cold metal.
Explode.
Explode.
More.
Less.
Again and again.
Repeat.
Everything.
Nothing.
His.
Wanted.
Used.
Unclipped.
Loved.

~shygirl

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thinking [dichotomy] thursday

What a feat…
To feel cherished yet ravished.
To feel completely taken care of yet totally used.
To feel like His most important thing yet only His toy.
To feel like everything yet nothing at all. To feel safe yet pushed to the edge.
To feel capabale yet with no control.
To feel exalted yet debased.
To feel protected yet thrown to the wolf.
To feel strong yet extremely vulnerable.
To feel free yet oh-so-tethered.
To feel loved.
To feel owned.
To feel wanted.
To feel home.

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Happy Thursday!
Here’s to feelings that don’t suck!

~shygirl

thinking [undeserved] thursday

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This is where I belong,
safe on His chest, my Home.

The words He says,
the nicest I’ve ever heard.

He calls me lovely things,
though I am totally unworthy.

Tears roll freely.
I know this is His honesty.

He sees things in me –
they just aren’t there.

I try to tell Him,
to let Him down easy.

He will not hear me.
Truth, He says. All of this is truth.

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I really love His words.
I want so badly to be these words.

I try to be what He thinks, see what He sees.
But I am always falling short.

So these words that I love?
Well, they sting a little, too.

Eighteen years by now.
He has always been so sure of me.
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How much longer until He sees
that I am not what He believes?

I don’t deserve these words.
I don’t deserve Him.

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I’m not the good He sees,
but I do try. I will keep trying.
And if all else fails,
I am well aware of how lucky I am.

Thank you, Sir, for never giving up and for thinking such absurd, ridiculous, beautiful and kind things of me.

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Happy Thursday!!
~shygirl