kneel and be still

I sink to my knees and lose myself in you.


Your needs are the only thing I focus on.


That is how it is supposed to go, always


But sometimes, I am impatient


You leave me waiting and my mind ramps up


frustration and sadness usually come first


followed by doubt and insecurity


I am so disappointed in myself


Internally scolding and berating


If I cannot do this, can I even BE this?


I focus on my breath


Count it in, count it out


Pleading with my mind to just be still


I close my eyes again, rest my hands


Please let everything fall away


Just be me, just be His


I settle

He tells me I am a good girl


All is right and I know


Even during the struggles,


I AM this.

– shygirl

thinking [made for this] thursday

I am made for this.

Some days I forget that. I forget that my only freedom is through submission. I fall back on past versions that could only rely on myself. I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I chastise myself for not being stronger or for not being more timid. I rail against direction and instruction because I focus on the little changes I don’t like. I forget to build up the positive. I forget why I am how I am. I forget who I am.

Today I’m digging deep. I know that I am Yours. I know that You are mine. I know that submitting is strength. I know that holding grudges, no matter how small, only holds us apart. I know that D/s is the way, our only way. I know that consistency doesn’t mean monotony and that change is inevitable and beneficial. I know that life is good. I know Your love.

Never doubt.

I was made for this.

-shygirl