(This photo has nothing to do with anything, but I love it so!)
Sometimes I read blogs and feel pretty invested in the subject matter…only to never hear of a resolution or a follow up. I try to go back to the original post to read through every comment, hoping for some sort of closure, but I feel like a stalker doing that! This is the nature of blogland, but it goes against my nature…even with my own blog. Maybe I stand alone in this, but maybe not. Either way, it’s update time!
My sweet pet is still missed daily. I’ve dried the tears for the most part, but I’ll find a toy or see a commercial (eyeroll) and cry a bit. I was so touched and lifted up by all the kind, heartfelt comments on the original post. I cannot accurately express my gratitude with words, but THANK YOU will have to suffice.
I have been needy all week. I spoke to my Husband a little bit about it Monday, but as He was falling asleep…not the best time. I’m a chicken.
The next day, I just wanted something to do for Him. Anything. He was working, I sent Him a text asking if He needed anything done or purchased. “nah, I’m good, but thanks” was the response.
I’m pretty sure I responded wih “ugh. Ok. :/” Clearly, I’m in a funk.
So, later yesterday, I sent Him the needy post…copied & pasted into an email. (No, He doesn’t read my blog. Yes, He knows of it.) I got zero response. Last night, I was feeling His Dominance in lots of ways. All was well.
Cut to this morning, still no email response (strange!) and I was back to feeling out-of-sorts. I email Him again, this time just laying out how I feel when I get no response…like I’m spiraling downward. No response to that as of yet, but He did respond to the original email. Good grief! The response was positive, and yet-
I feel like I’m on the razor edge of something. I’m bleeding but don’t know which side I should land on, so I stay on top of the blade and it keeps cutting deeper. As I type this, I’m pretty sure that blade is my silence, my shyness, my insecurities. Crap.
And since I had a moment of strength and sent the second email, I know we will have to talk about this! So hard for me – I always feel so raw and exposed. That armor I had for years just isn’t around now and all this honesty makes me…nervous…scared…delicate…little…
This has been such a long week and it’s only Wednesday! I’m going to turn this around tonight, maybe after a drink or two. (positive thinking until He gets home!)
Feeling like this: Radiohead – Just