more than dark

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Credited to Lucille Clifton from "moonchild"

Take me from this
Away from here

I’m no longer mine
Yours without fear

Please bring me up
Buried so deep

Set me on fire
Never to sleep

Strike it from memory
Pain that transcends

Bruised by the love
Will never bends

Sent over the edge
Plunged into bliss

Mind kicks back in
Hurting like this

Tears start to fall
Panic so near

Stay a bit longer
’til dark disappears

The sadness and stress
Tearing in two

Everything that I am
Solely for you

Bring me back ’round
Push it away

I must rise above
Sins I’ll repay

Please give me more
Need to forget

Help me float away
No more regret

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~shygirl

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out with the old, in with the…?

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2015 answered questions I never wanted to ask.

2015 kind of felt like an eternity, but it flew by just the same.

2015 was a learning year.

2015 was a year of mostly unpleasant change. (We’ve talked about how well I deal with change)

2015 held little sleep and many tears.

2015 was fraught with worry.

2015 was an exercise in becoming less.

2015 was heavy.

2015 can fuck right on off.

Oh okay. The entire year wasn’t horrible! 😉 There were some great things that happened. There was love and laughter and comfort. There was a fantastic new house. There was family and food. There was a lot of play. There was Sir. Sir was always there and Sir brought me through. Thank God for Him and thank God 2015 is done.

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Hey guys, it’s a new year!! So many things are still lingering, up in the air, swept under the rug, and I hate that. It’s neither nice nor fair, but here I am just the same. It’s going to be okay. One way or another, this year will be good!!

I will devote my time and energy to those that matter.

I will open my eyes to the myth of “too busy”, because there is always time for  what’s important.

I will continue to sink deeper in my submission.

I will actively love.

I will be humble.

I will work on being a better person.

I will try so hard to rise above.

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This song seems to have become my anthem, my prayer, my musical lifeline. (This whole album is fantastic, actually.)

Enjoy! Happy New Year!
~shygirl

Mother

[Refrain:]
Oh Lord, won’t you leave me
Leave me on my knees?
Cause I belong to the ground now
And it belongs to thee
And oh Lord, won’t you leave me
Leave me just like this?
Cause I belong to the ground now
I want no more than this

How I long for the autumn
The sun keeps burning deep
Every stone in this city keeps reminding me
Can you protect me from what I want?
The love I let in, it left me so lost

Mother, make me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me
Mother, make me
Make me a big grey cloud
So I can rain on you things I can’t say out loud

All these couples are kissing
And I can’t stand the heat
I lost my shoes and left the party
I wander in the street

I put my feet into the fountain
The statues’ all asleep
No use wishing on the water
It grants you no relief

Mother, make me
Make me a bird of prey
So I can rise above this, let it fall away
Mother, make me
Make me a song so sweet
Heaven trembles, fallen at our feet

[Refrain x2]

thinking [hard out here] thursday

Sometimes, the times are just hard.
A swirling mass of change with everything in the air.
Living in limbo.
Not knowing what’s happening, when or where.
Should I speak, maybe silence is better.
Who is there, who isn’t really.
Walking through the thickest of fog, no sense of direction.
The only light is Sir.
But even Sir gets lost in the dark on occasion.
When both are lost, we hold hands and power through.
That’s the only choice.
He leads, I follow.
I try to rise in my submission.
He dominates.
We gather strength.
Every word, every task, every look, every bruise, every touch becomes my compass.
He calms me down.
I try to lift Him up.
I want to be strong.
I want to rise above.
I will. I do.
Even when it takes a minute, I rise.
Because of Sir.
For Sir.
I need to rise now, when things are so heavy.
I feel a little broken, a little less me, without my muchness.
He lifts me. He always lifts me.
But maybe that’s too much.
Maybe that’s not fair.
But it’s how we are.
I’m so thankful, even in the midst of this disarray.
How would this go without 24/7 D/s?!
I’m glad not to never find out.
For tonight, I shall breathe and serve.

Happy Thursday… At least it’s almost over!
~shygirl