thinking [struggle] thursday

Struggle. 

We all struggle. 

Your struggle may look different than mine, feel more important, BE bigger.

I know, things could be worse – things can ALWAYS be worse. 

But y’all! I am struggling right now!

I feel like I am on an island of struggle. 

I know if I could just jump off and swim to shore, I could find a little peace. 

But I am paralyzed, I am stuck… And I am so damn tired. 

I’m not looking for sympathy from you fine people. 

No, I just want to say: 

If you are struggling right now, with anything – You are not alone. 

We may be in different worlds, with different problems, but we all know the struggle. That fact must mean I’m not alone, either! That’s a little beacon of hope, right? Maybe..  collectively, separately… we’ve got this?!

I’m going with “hell yes” and sending mad props to Sir for helping me hold my head up.

Happy Thursday! 

~shygirl

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Thinking [humble] Thursday

For the past few weeks, my brain has been overloaded trying to understand motives.  After much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that 1) these things are not for me to understand, 2) actions really do scream louder than words, thus making motives inconsequential, and 3) drama is for the birds, mostly because birds kind of freak me out.  Since I am long out of middle school, I shall put my head on straight and not partake in the antics.

knowledgearrogance

Back to that at the end, for now let’s get on with it!
You probably already know today is Thursday, but that just dawned on me – here’s what I’m thinking about (c’mon, I know you’ve been waiting all day to see what’s banging around in my silly little head):  humility, but specifically the word humble.

The freedictionary.com has the definition as follows:

hum·ble
adj.  hum·bler, hum·blest
1. Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful.

2. Showing deferential or submissive respect: a humble apology.
3. Low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly: a humble cottage.

I put the second meaning in bold, because that is the aspect I want to delve into a little bit.  If you recall, I have a bit of a mouth on me and can be as stubborn as mule.  It’s true – I am a mouthy, stubborn, submissive wife. I’m not very proud of it and I try very hard to use my brain before my mouth, but I still struggle.  I’ll own it: I can be very difficult.  I hesitate to put this here, I’m sure there are those that cannot fathom that I am submissive AND stubborn and mouthy.  Judge if you must, but I am what I am – a real person, with real issues, and real challenges – I refuse to sugarcoat it.  Okay, back to it – I’m mouthy with my Sir on occasion and I am told to humble myself.  Many days my task list includes practicing the humble position (I tried to find a picture, but cannot).  For a long while, I only had a general idea of what being humble actually means.  I am not overly prideful and I am definitely not arrogant – I was more than a little confused about why He consistently used that word.  He would explain, but I’d get so hung up on the actual word that the meaning got a little lost.  So, of course I Googled it!!

“Showing submissive respect” finally hit home in my overactive noggin!  Every single time I open my mouth, I should be humble.  Every action I make should be humble.  I should always, always show my Sir submissive respect. So… when my Sir tells me to humble myself, he is reminding me to show him that respect.  He is reminding me to remember my place and station in this relationship.  When He has me practice the humble position, He is really telling me to devote time to thinking about how to keep my mouth, thoughts, and actions in check. He is trying to help me avoid my runaway mouth and to focus on Him.

Every day, I try to be more mindful of my humility, I try to make sure everything I do is with a humble frame of mind.  Do I succeed all the time?  Oh my goodness, NO!  I have really bad days where I get caught up in my disappointing mouth and attitude – let’s not forget that they had free reign for 35 years, and those behaviors are a weird sort of comfort zone for me, even thought it’s not really comfortable at all.  BUT!  I have increasingly more days where I am humble, where I am so very happily humble, and THAT is worth every misstep I make and why this path works so well for us.

I wonder if being humble is part of any other submissive’s daily vocabulary?  I wonder if people had a greater sense of humility, would a lot of drama be avoided?  I wonder if I will ever stop having those outbursts?  I have to stop all that wondering and focus more on being humble because that is where I find my happiness.

greatandnoble

~ shygirl