kneel and be still

I sink to my knees and lose myself in you.


Your needs are the only thing I focus on.


That is how it is supposed to go, always


But sometimes, I am impatient


You leave me waiting and my mind ramps up


frustration and sadness usually come first


followed by doubt and insecurity


I am so disappointed in myself


Internally scolding and berating


If I cannot do this, can I even BE this?


I focus on my breath


Count it in, count it out


Pleading with my mind to just be still


I close my eyes again, rest my hands


Please let everything fall away


Just be me, just be His


I settle

He tells me I am a good girl


All is right and I know


Even during the struggles,


I AM this.

– shygirl

thinking [made for this] thursday

I am made for this.

Some days I forget that. I forget that my only freedom is through submission. I fall back on past versions that could only rely on myself. I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I chastise myself for not being stronger or for not being more timid. I rail against direction and instruction because I focus on the little changes I don’t like. I forget to build up the positive. I forget why I am how I am. I forget who I am.

Today I’m digging deep. I know that I am Yours. I know that You are mine. I know that submitting is strength. I know that holding grudges, no matter how small, only holds us apart. I know that D/s is the way, our only way. I know that consistency doesn’t mean monotony and that change is inevitable and beneficial. I know that life is good. I know Your love.

Never doubt.

I was made for this.

-shygirl

what do you say

What is the best feeling in the world?

For real, I am asking. I was awake most of the night pondering this question, but that’s a whole other thing. So, the absolute best feeling that you have ever felt in your entire life – what was it?

Was it something so simple as that first sip of coffee in the morning?
Maybe how you feel after a hard workout?
Would you say the best you’ve ever felt was from an illicit drug?
Your wedding day?
The birth of a child?
Praise? Attention? Recognition?
Finishing something?
Sinking into a bathtub?
Sex?

What the fuck is the best feeling in the world?

I’ve done all of those things – the coffee, the workout, the drugs, the wedding, the birth three times over, the accolades, the completing, the sex, the bath – and so much more.
They all have their merits, big or small. All can bring joy and feel amazing, but the best?

An easy answer would be bringing life into the world because it is so everything – BUT just for a second, lets take childbirth out of the equation. Now what is the best feeling?

I really do want to know.

For me the best feeling is…

Submission.
Total submission.
Giving up not just my body, but my mind, my heart, my very self.
Absolute trust.
A beautiful trip to subspace.
The moments when I am replaced with so much Dominance and Love that I cease to exist on this plane. I become transported to a different dimension where my brain is quiet (no easy feat). The place where anxiety and fear don’t exist – because there just is no more room inside.
Complete surrender.
Wholly shattered yet complete.
There is no better high to chase.
Not for me.

… and that is how I know that I am submissive to the core.

But I wonder if that is how other submissives feel? Or Dominants, on the flipside?
If anyone is still around reading this, I’d LOVE for you to weigh-in.

Happy Tuesday!!
~shygirl ♥