You know when you are performing, or running, and you hit your stride? Maybe it is a sport, or video game, or singing and you are in “the zone”? That muscle memory, that adrenaline, kicks in so that what you are doing is done without thinking…it is just you, doing your thing, and you are untouchable?
And then, you know those times you are in that zone and you pop out of it briefly, just long enough to think “wow, this is great, I’m doing it!”? Then moment is lost, you start to stumble, you carry on, you know this by heart, but now you are thinking hard, stressing about each and every step?
I’m there. For no reason that I can pinpoint, I am stumbling out of my stride, out of my zone. Last week was monumental, one for the books. I was flying high on His dominance and my seemingly effortless submission, everything just clicked.
Nothing has changed really – Sir is still embracing this and really coming into His own. His dominance fits, it just is. I know He isn’t acting or trying to appease me or any of the things I’ve worried about. He is becoming more and more confident and I am reaping the benefits.
Somehow, though, I havd slipped in my thinking and taken up residence in my head. That is dangerous because I can overthink anything. I can tear myself down so far that I don’t know how to build back up. I am trying to stop…He is confident, I trust Him, how can I still doubt? Why can I not have the confidence in myself? I hate needing reassurance all the time! Sir knows what’s up and He is helping – this morning I’m feeling a bit better, but I still feel a little off-kilter.
Surely this is normal?! I know I’ll get my stride back. I just hope it is sooner rather than later.
shygirl
serenity through submission 
We all stumble from time to time, good days/ bad days…it’s all part of the growth in our journeys. I tell myself that it’s my vanilla thinking creeping back in to reek havoc on my new happy life. The key is to Learn from these times. Sounds like the two of you are we’ll on your way, so happy for you!💗🐱
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I’m so sick of vanilla! Lol. Thanks. I’m starting to feel better. 🙂
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Hey girl!
Email me what happened when you knew you were in your head… Started that doubt …
Maybe I can help..
LK ❤🐇
Littlekaninchen@gmail.com
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Working on email to you… 🙂
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Since you used some athletic and singing examples I will use that to see if I can help you. When you run, if you start to tense, you break your stride. When you are in your zone it is because you are running relaxed, even if you are going at top speed. Being a singer as well I know that when I sing relaxed the notes just flow and I can do with my voice exactly what I need. However, if I get tense I will crack when I sing. Getting into your zone means you have to relax. If you have done the training then your body will respond as it needs to respond. They tell you in order to relax you have to get your breathing correct. Overthinking and making assumptions about what will or will not be causes us to have erratic breathing or we hold our breath and that inevitably will make us tense and tention will cause us to break stride and fall.
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You are right… It is all about being relaxed and breathing. I, very literally, hold my breath when anything gets tough – physically or mentally. My Husband is always on me to BREATHE when I’m working out. So, of course it makes sense that when I am in that zone, and break stride for a moment, I tense up. The more I try to get back to it, the more out of reach it becomes…I just get more tense, more in my head, more unsure. Maybe it will help me to focus on breathing when I start to feel this way, just like I’d do while running or singing or dancing or anything. That may actually work because I’ll really have to focus and shut my inner-dialogue off. You may be a genius. 🙂 Thank you.
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I’m glad I helped. Some would say I’m an evil genius 😉
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Shygirl it is normal and I will comment why once i get on my comp. I hate typing on tablet.
Lts
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I have had these moments my self and sometimes I could re-set my self but when you can’t get it out of your head Sir would re-set my focus. It does work.
Lts♥
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I just read something about this and I would be interested to hear if the more experienced subs feel that punishment (spankings) could help resolve these moments. Remind us of our place, remind of us His Dominance and our submission. Help us reflect on our submission, so that we can get OUT of our own heads, and stop putting ourselves and our thoughts in front of our submission. Does it work??
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My Sir has done this in the past…see my post on “Reset”….but I haven’t reaped the benefits lately : ( I can tell you it does work…and its incredible the way it helps to refocus on my submission. Longing for a reset right now….but that would be topping huh? *sigh*
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Is it? I don’t know, it’s wrong, telling your Dom that you are in need of “maintenance” (as they call it in DD)? How would he know that you’re struggling with control if you don’t tell him? I truly don’t know…
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Me neither! In the beginning I did tell him…when I needed something. I don’t feel its wrong to ask, he is my husband and honesty is a big part of all this…but it is wrong to expect to get what I want all the time. We are to trust they know what’s best for us….but again…we have to let them know when we need something. I think I’m babbling. ….
He is taking more of the lead now…he doesn’t need as much of my prompting. ..which is a good thing. But we’ve lost something since my surgery….so maybe we will get the chance to talk tonight. Things were really starting to click for us…now they feel a little stagnant.
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I totally know about stagnant. I had an AMAZING weekend. Then, just a single day of having the little one back at home and the vanilla hit us like a brick. Last night was more like CARDBOARD than vanilla! LOL! We didn’t even speak last night, we were so worn out… I caught myself 4 times this morning, starting an argument or back talking my Sir. I think I needed Him to put me in my place, but he’s just not there yet. So, I’m going to ask for it….
Like you said, you have to tell them what you want, but you can’t expect them to give it to you. They have to decide if you get it. Right?
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If you are still at the beginning. ..then yes. ..you need to communicate your needs to him. A more established D/s relationship will have a different dynamic than those just beginning…but still communication is number one!
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Well, my Sir and I have talked in depth about this recently. If I am having any issue or need anything, I should bring it to Him. He will decide what to do from there. I
He would much rather me say (or show – hello, crop in mouth! Win!), respectfully & submissively, that I am wanting something…than for me to act out to try and get a punishment/attention. I’m not really good at doing that just yet…but I’m working on it.
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I’d really like to find out, because I’ve considered talking to my Sir about maintenance spankings. I feel so completely at ease after that kind of “display of dominance”, but I don’t know how to broach the subject.
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I sent my Sir some info on the matter…LK also did a Reset Post…you can type that in the search box on her blog and mine to find the info. That’s how I broached it with mine. The email opened up the dialogue for us. It was a conversation starter if you will.
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http://cailinfire.wordpress.com/2013/06/30/reset/
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http://cailinfire.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/after-the-reset/
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http://bedroomsubmissive.com/2012/11/13/bratty-sub/
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http://bedroomsubmissive.com/2013/07/25/needing-broken-or-reset/
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Oh, thank you GOF! Those links are very helpful! I really appreciate you sharing!
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Your welcome! Hope it helps some! I need to take my own advice and talk to my Sir again tonight ; )
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When I had that big conversation with Husband the other day, I brought the idea of maintenence spankings up as something I would really like to do within our relationship. I explained how it worked and the benefits of it. It seems to me to be a really good way to re-establish roles when feeling out of sorts. It will ultimately be up to Him to decide though.
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That’s the key. It’s still his decision, I’m only offering a choice.
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Short answer, for me… Hell yes! Before Sir left this morning, I was kind of snapping at Him. I knew I wasn’t feeling in the right place…He knew it too. Ordered me to the closet, told me to kneel, spoke to me about it, asked questions, etc. I was honest, I apologized, He accepted but dealt out a few spankings as well. I feel better with regular spankings…even when they hurt. I’m done wondering if that is weird or wrong, it is what it is. I need it. I’ve got to stop getting in my head, but when I do…I have to give it over to Sir and let it go. Sounds easy…ha!
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“I’m done wondering if that is weird or wrong, it is what it is.”
We can’t be that weird if there are this many of us!!! 😛
Sub sisters, thanks for the experience!!
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I don’t know… We could just be a bunch of weirdos!! 🙂 I’m fine with that… You girls are all so nice and supportive…and make me giggle lots! I don’t have a bunch of cool icons on my phone…but if I did, you could see my freak flag flying. 😀
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HA! Fly it high, Freak!! I’m right there with you!! 😉
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TOTALLY normal! I’m feeling much the same way. There are some serious ups and downs. I have a roller coaster post I’m working on about this exact issue! Have you thought through what the trigger might have been?
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Yes, I’ve thought about the trigger…. It was really a combination of things.
1.Other than that first text yesterday, I got no more instructions from my Husband about the no panty stuff, even though He alluded there’d be plenty. Expectations led to doubt.
2. He got home early yesterday (yay!). I love spending time with Him and though there was opportunity (and NO PANTIES!) there was no action, not even a stolen fondle. Expectations + my being super horny = self doubt
3. Tv time…game time last night…He normally calls me to His end of the couch. That didn’t happen for a long time. Lonely + still super horny = building, suffocating doubt.
4. Shower. Finally. He was ready to really play…but I was so far into my spiral of doubt that I could barely breathe. Still horny, but feeling less than stellar about my body…I mean, of course that’s the reason for everything right? Uhh, no. But my mind goes there automatically (even though I’ve busted my ass to get in fighting form)…then straight to feeling too needy, too this, too that.
On a more positive note, the night ended much better, we played, we talked, but this morning I was still feeling “off”. Argh.
Feeling better now…talked to Sir, sent email to Him even after that…listened to Beastie Boys, embarrassed children in store… Vanilla day without panties, but that’s ok…:)
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Ah, embarrassing the kids at the store always helps!!! LOL!
If only we could all learn (and I mean everyone) to suppress self-doubt. Life in general would be SO much easier!
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No joke! I feel like I can and have handled a LOT in life, but self doubt really knocks me on my ass.
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Your a list person aren’t you? Me too!
And this list sounds like you could’ve plucked it from my brain! I know my Sir trys hard to make TTWD awesome…but sometimes there is the hint of fun times ahead…which puts me on high alert..but then if he doesn’t or we aren’t able to follow through. ..the plummet begins! Lets ask LK what we can do….to focus on our sub rather than the disappointment of lack of action/follow through….
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I am such a list person! I need everything numbered and organized…my grocery lists are made by aisle, in the order I go through the store. It’s bad. Or good. It at least is efficient! Yes, we definitely need to get some advice from LK!
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Shy girl, thank you for this post, I too struggle with self doubt, I like that you were able to pin point what caused it…I think I need to pay more attention like that…😊
I am so a list / organize person, that it borders on OCD, ha ha. ( my sister will say IT IS OCD) I love to make lists and I love to cross things off as I complete them, makes me fill productive…
Glad you are feeling better now …
Butterfly
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Lists…and completing them…make me happy. I will “fluff” them with the silliest things sometimes, just so I have more to cross off.
Thank you…I don’t know how it is I can pinpoint the issue and STILL manage to have said issue. You’d think that’d be an AHA moment instead of an AHA…OH CRAP moment. Lol. Oh well, at least it is no secret where my weaknesses lie. 🙂
Now if my Sir would get home so I could show Him how good I’m feeling…
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Haha! I fluff my lists too!!!!
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I am guilty of fluffing my list too…I also have a slight obsession with colored pens, highlighters, and sharpies …I like my lists to be colorful 😃…I hate when I forget my list I am lost without it…my Sir always says that is why you have a smart phone you can make your lists on there, but it is not the same, I don’t know how I would mark off the things I had completed, ha ha.😊
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I am laughing out loud…I have a thing for sharpies & pens (colored or not, really). Sir is forever bringing me home various writing instruments…and got me a box to put them in so that the kids don’t use them! I scoff at lists on phones … Where is the fun in that?! But I do forget my lists all. the. time.
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Too funny, glad I am not alone!!!📝
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