No longer will I accept the old turnaround. Taking my reaction to something, and saying it is the root, will not be tolerated anymore. Not only isn’t it fair, but that flipping-back-to-me stuff is guaranteed to be far more destructive than whatever happened to begin with.
I know I’ve taught the world to deal with me like this. I know I’ve absorbed all of this backwards blame. I know I’ve repeatedly apologized for having feelings. I know I’ve said I’m sorry when I never should have. Repeatedly. You see, I’ve always given in and accepted the blame because I’ve never felt worthy.
So from here on out, the only thing that is good enough for me is honesty. If you cannot give me that, if it’s too difficult to be forthcoming and true, well…you cannot be a part of my life at all. I don’t need fake friends or shitty periphial folk in my life. I’ll be 40 in a few months and I’m just too damn old to have my feelings repeatedly hurt by falseness, and then hurt again by blaming my feelings as the problem. No. Honesty or nothing. No more lies… Whether they be blatant lies, half-truths, or withheld information. They are all deceptive and I am over it.
I am full of faults and I make mistakes daily, but I am worth honesty. Maybe I’m not worth much else, but by god, I fucking demand honesty. And heaven help the next person that gets the effect and cause twisted.