thinking [change or Changed] thursday

People change.

We are forever changing and evolving. So why then, is it frowned upon when someone’s change no longer aligns with you.

If when you first met, there were more similarities than differences but now one of you has changed so dramatically they become nearly unrecognizable, can you even bridge the divide? Things you knew are now null and void, so how is it that the feelings are expected to be the same? People grow together or they grow apart, right? But sometimes it goes beyond growth into just a whole different person.

It may even be a good change in the life of the one doing the changing! Good for them, but bad for you. Accepting someone as they are is great, loving them even as they become a different person is important, understanding it is best for their life is admirable… But what you don’t have to do, what you SHOULD NOT have to do, is carry on with them the same as before… with no one mentioning the divide, the change, the alternate universes we now live in and with. But so often, we just say nothing and keep up the sick charade. It’s exhausting and pretty sad.

Me? I haven’t changed so much as grown. I am the same person, hopefully a little better, but ultimately me. I hold the same convictions, feel the same about all the big stuff, have a very dirty mouth and the sarcasm never stops.

Once, we were similar. I think we were anyway… could be more pretending and lies… But I like to believe we were similar… And now?

We aren’t. Not in any real way.

There’s no hate. No ill-will. No animosity. But there is definitely a bit of W O W and a small smattering of ouch from time to time.

It’s a lot to take in and mull over, to analyze and digest. There are questions – of how and where and when and why and what the fuck – that will never be answered.

I don’t know how someone morphs into someone else. Not sure that’s information I even need to know. There’s change. And then there’s change. I know you’re supposed to meet people where they are, but I’m tired and maybe it’s time for someone to meet me where I am.

Until that happens (I am not holding my breath), I’ll just hole up in the sweet little world I have with Sir and our family.

Happy New Year.

Happy Thursday!

– shygirl

thinking [made for this] thursday

I am made for this.

Some days I forget that. I forget that my only freedom is through submission. I fall back on past versions that could only rely on myself. I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I chastise myself for not being stronger or for not being more timid. I rail against direction and instruction because I focus on the little changes I don’t like. I forget to build up the positive. I forget why I am how I am. I forget who I am.

Today I’m digging deep. I know that I am Yours. I know that You are mine. I know that submitting is strength. I know that holding grudges, no matter how small, only holds us apart. I know that D/s is the way, our only way. I know that consistency doesn’t mean monotony and that change is inevitable and beneficial. I know that life is good. I know Your love.

Never doubt.

I was made for this.

-shygirl

thinking [take me home] thursday

The days filled with flirting expectation and unabashed want.

The fluttery stomach and risque texts that cause a deep blush.
The tasks that encourage, invigorate, and remind.
The demanded photos that require time, thought, and plenty of privacy.
The submissiveness that seeps from every pore and fuels every breath.
The evenings filled with stolen touches and handsy hugs.
The videogames and shows infused with knowing glances and sexy awareness.
The hidden rope or plug and whispered words.
The barely-contained desire.
The eagerness that demands an early bedtime.
The wetness that leave no room for doubt.
The control required to follow instructions, to hold position, to wait.
The belt, the flogger, the loopy, the whip.
The increasing intensity, the heavenly pain.
The kisses that are too much, but not enough.
The steady rhythm, the fusing of bodies.
The forgetting, the giving-over, the floating, the release.
The Dominance that feeds the submission.
The soul. The life. The love.
All of this is all that’s needed.
This is home.