kneel and be still

I sink to my knees and lose myself in you.


Your needs are the only thing I focus on.


That is how it is supposed to go, always


But sometimes, I am impatient


You leave me waiting and my mind ramps up


frustration and sadness usually come first


followed by doubt and insecurity


I am so disappointed in myself


Internally scolding and berating


If I cannot do this, can I even BE this?


I focus on my breath


Count it in, count it out


Pleading with my mind to just be still


I close my eyes again, rest my hands


Please let everything fall away


Just be me, just be His


I settle

He tells me I am a good girl


All is right and I know


Even during the struggles,


I AM this.

– shygirl

thinking [made for this] thursday

I am made for this.

Some days I forget that. I forget that my only freedom is through submission. I fall back on past versions that could only rely on myself. I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I chastise myself for not being stronger or for not being more timid. I rail against direction and instruction because I focus on the little changes I don’t like. I forget to build up the positive. I forget why I am how I am. I forget who I am.

Today I’m digging deep. I know that I am Yours. I know that You are mine. I know that submitting is strength. I know that holding grudges, no matter how small, only holds us apart. I know that D/s is the way, our only way. I know that consistency doesn’t mean monotony and that change is inevitable and beneficial. I know that life is good. I know Your love.

Never doubt.

I was made for this.

-shygirl

thinking [take me home] thursday

The days filled with flirting expectation and unabashed want.

The fluttery stomach and risque texts that cause a deep blush.
The tasks that encourage, invigorate, and remind.
The demanded photos that require time, thought, and plenty of privacy.
The submissiveness that seeps from every pore and fuels every breath.
The evenings filled with stolen touches and handsy hugs.
The videogames and shows infused with knowing glances and sexy awareness.
The hidden rope or plug and whispered words.
The barely-contained desire.
The eagerness that demands an early bedtime.
The wetness that leave no room for doubt.
The control required to follow instructions, to hold position, to wait.
The belt, the flogger, the loopy, the whip.
The increasing intensity, the heavenly pain.
The kisses that are too much, but not enough.
The steady rhythm, the fusing of bodies.
The forgetting, the giving-over, the floating, the release.
The Dominance that feeds the submission.
The soul. The life. The love.
All of this is all that’s needed.
This is home.