Number nine, number nine.

You two! Over there in the corner! Taunting me, reminding me what I’m not getting.


You guys! Wound up in the drawer! Teasing me, laughing at what I can’t have.


You there! Online, the hundreds of you! Driving me crazy, making me cry over what He doesn’t want.


You words! Silent, hanging ideas! Mocking me, poking fun at the things He won’t give.


The rest of you! In the closet! Yeah, I’ve seen you, you’ve made appearances, but you don’t stick around.


I miss you all. Come back or go away. Stop tormenting me with your mere presence. Please.

Which leads me to (naturally! ha!)…

Tomorrow is nine weeks.
Nine weeks I’ve had these boobs.
Nine weeks I’ve had issues.
Nine weeks of no real exercise.
Nine weeks of pain.
Nine weeks of sad.
Nine weeks of feeling not good enough.
Nine weeks of waiting.
Nine weeks of slow down.
Nine weeks of wondering.
Nine weeks of worry.
Nine weeks of stupid feelings.
Nine weeks of extreme neediness.
Nine weeks of constant reassurance.
Nine weeks of  missing things.
Nine weeks of desperate.
Nine weeks of not normal.
Nine weeks of trying to explain.
Nine weeks of not getting it.
Nine weeks of ugly.
Nine weeks of attitude.
Nine weeks of darkness.
Nine weeks of woe is me.
Nine weeks of fuck it all.
Nine weeks of begging to be numb.
Nine weeks of talking.
Nine weeks I wasn’t at all prepared for.

I’m ready. I’m ready for it all. I need it.
I am scared I’ve ruined it. I’m scared the time has passed.

Don’t fret…once they stop hurting, I think I’ll like the boobs. I just hope the price isn’t all of everything.


Thinking [travel tips] Thursday


I’ve done a little bit of traveling recently, without my Sir. I’d tell you more about it, but I guess it’s one of things of which we shall not speak, plus I’m always the blabbermouth and that’s got to go! So! On this Thursday before my wedding anniversary, I’ll share a few things I’ve learned about travel…

* If you pack two plugs in your carry on, be prepared for smiles and smirks.

* Wiping your area on the plane with a Clorox wipe, will make your neighbor look at you sideways.

* Do not eat almonds during the flight. You absolutely WILL choke.

* Reading a naughty story on the plane will make you uncomfortably wet.

* If it can be dropped, you WILL drop it.

* Captain Hook is an awesome pilot.

* Water, water, water, water. Drink up! Between altitudes and activities, you will need it.

* Sleeping with a hand or foot touching you is an actual need. You should say so.

* Your body will know you are not in your home bathroom and nothing will help.

* Shyness comes and goes as it wishes. You have no control.

* Skyping your Sir will make you feel worse and set off a crying jag.

* You can, and will, experience extreme joy and devastating sadness at the exact same time.

* Coffee is everywhere. Drink it.

* Finally, always, always wear headphones on the plane.


Happy Thursday!

a little bit of nothing


[The past few weeks, months, have been so full of things. Good things, bad things, scary things, fun things, gut-wrenching things, feeling-overload things. I have written probably ten posts, scrapped at least ten more, and have more snippets of posts than I care to admit. It would seem I have too much to say, yet nothing at all.
I’m dipping my toe with the following, in the hopes of plunging head first very shortly.]

(Title escapes me)

Monumental at best
Run of the mill
Emotions sky high
Nothing to feel

Words could help
Bite the tongue
Biggest of big
Only in fun

Distance confines
Good to be free
Head overwhelmed
Not much to me

Building the walls
Never did drop
Protecting the heart
Already stopped.