more than enough

So it’s Valentine’s Day. Such a silly little day to celebrate, but Sir overdoes every holiday. I think He loves me or something. 😉 
I love Him, too, and I’m not empty handed! I found Him some gifts that are personal and (hopefully) meaningful. 

Presents are fun all around, but mostly I’m just glad that Sir & I have the relationship we do. It is marriage, it is friendship, it is D/s, it is parenting, it is laughter, it is hard work, it is love, it is life…and it is more than enough. 

Baby, I don’t have much

But what we have is more than enough

                -Green Day

Happy Valentine’s Day. This song gets me in the feels. ❤❤❤

~shygirl

thinking [i like it] thursday

I live to be over Your knee.

Restrained within Your limbs.

Naked, vulnerable,  bottom in the air.

Your hand warms my flesh.

Kind caresses, gentle tickles.

Sweet, but we both know why I’m here. 

Your big hand lifts up, higher.

I wait for the impact, needy, impatient.

When I’ve given up, Your hand crashes down. 

I jump, I cry out, I wiggle on your lap.

You are steadfast and strong.

The onslaught begins.

Rarely a pattern, I think You’re afraid I’ll get lost. 

But tonight, I might get lost anyway. 

Left cheek, right cheek, center.

Center, left cheek, left cheek.

It’s so startling, but soon enough I calm.

I sink into it, tears threatening to fall.

Far too quickly, it’s over.

I want to be Your good girl, but I want more.

I think I need it.

Before I misbehave, You speak.

Bend over the bed.

I comply eagerl, listening to your retreating footsteps.

You return before I finish that thought.

Smackthud! The floggers hits hard.

Between my shoulder blades, causing me to flinch. 

Down my back, across my ass, the backs of my thighs.

And back up again. A beautiful, painful pattern this time.

Tears flow freely from my soul.

I’m not crying due to pain, but because of love.

Long ago, I explained this to You.

I never want you to worry – or to stop.

You tire of the flogger and pick up something else. 

Cracksting! The whip.

I was floating a little, but I’m back on the ground now.

This bites. In such a good way. 

I love the marks, the blood just at the surface. 

My back, my ass, my legs are on fire. 

I think I can’t take anymore, but I’m so glad I do.

Shortly, the whip joins the discarded flogger.

You pick up something else.

Thudboombloom! Ah! The metal loop.

The contrast between this and the whip is divine.

I don’t want it to stop, ever.

I want to float away, but You want me here.

I struggle to stay planted. I become still.

I am quiet. Living a full life within each strike.

It’s never long enough and tonight is no exception. 

You stop the torrent of blows.

But before I can protest,  politely of course…

You slam all the way into me.

We are one and I would do anything for You. 

You are my air, my water, my life.

A pump or two and I am gone.

Yours, and nothing else.
~shygirl

different days go by

Scrolling, looking for something specific for one of my children, the pictures fly by. I try to not to look, but the memories rush into my head and flood my heart. Good memories, mostly,  but now somehow tainted. My eyes leak and my feelings…

Honestly, I feel so much in this moment, I can’t isolate any one thing. All the feelings make me numb and I’m not even sure what I should feel. The first step should be figuring that out right? 

I feel… Sad. A little sick. Embarrassed for then, for now. I feel longing, but also relief. I feel stupid. Smart. A little ugly, a little… Not. I feel loved, betrayed. I feel envious, of me, then. I feel older, wiser, harder.  I feel a heavy grief and the sting of enlightenment. I feel happy. I feel duped, like a yoyo, like less-than. I feel changed, better, worse. Hell I don’t know. Mostly I feel…

Different.

I’m the same girl… then, now… Just different. Thank god for Sir’s patience, love, and strength. He keeps us moving forward, at times He has to drag me, because like it or not, the days go by.


~shygirl